Chasing the prosaic rainbow

By Zainab Radhi on Apr 8, 09 03:14 PM

I wonder, is it normal to develop a habit for carrying a torch in my hand at all times at home?

hmm...I doubt that, but what worries me the most is that I am starting to catch a glimpse of the purpose of my life, and the fear of...well, losing grip. Giving up is not in my nature, but facing the world from a close angel, and being in the front line, is a fearsome power to behold.

Weeping over the victimised and the ripped apart in rapid flashes on our TV sets is a far easier choice than being near them, with them, touching them, breathing the same air they breathe... feeling even more hopeless to help them.

But in time, I started to feel that I needn't be an armed soldier to protect them (or cause their pain). I needn't learn to disarm a suicide bomber, I needn't be an NGO. But being what I am, and doing what I do, walking with them, side by side; I have fulfilled my part.

The colours of the mountains, the desolate lawns, the dust beneath my feet, the starry nights - and what lurks beyond and among them, the quarrels of early morning birds, the thudding of helicopters, the smell of summer, nearing, threatening, promising...and this very same moment, with this pen in my hand, is life, that has been given to me.

...and home. The sound of my mother's spoon as she stirs in the big pan of rice, her unforgettable laugh, her aching knees as she kneels down to pray, her fearsome gentle persona and her undeniable presence in every, moment, of my life...is truly, my very own metaphor of being.

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6 Comments

John B said:

Dear Zainab.
There is nothing so precious as your mother.
Many years ago when a young serviceman aged 20 I was stationed on a small, isolated airfield in what was then a primitive and quite dangerous part of the Middle East.
Armed we may have been, but too few, a bit scared and missing home we certainly were.
I was with an Arab gentleman, armed, much older than me, probably in his 50s. Heavily bearded, traditionally dressed, quietly spoken, very dignified and very, very tough.
He noticed one of my photos and asked who the lady in it was. I told him that it was my mother.
He gave it, then me, a long, steady look.
"I no longer have my mother" he said slowly. "You must cherish yours all her life because you will never have another. And remember, if you are seeking paradise on this Earth, go to your mother. Peace and paradise you will find at your mother`s feet."
A huge lump came to my throat and I had difficulty not bursting into tears. (Not so rough 'n' tough after all.)
Noticing my discomfiture he smiled kindly, reached over and gently patted my shoulder a few times as I gulped noisily while sorting myself out.
I never forgot those few minutes,or those few words. Truly a wise man.
And I remembered them again many years later as I stood beside my Mother`s death bed during her last few moments.
She looked so peaceful as she left us.

April 10, 2009 5:50 PM

Zainab Radhi

said:

Those words have left a lump in my throat John. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story.
I'll always continue to dedicate every achievement and effort in my life for my mother, and I'm sure yours is proud of you.

April 12, 2009 12:57 PM

Alan Tilmouth said:

You should be applauded for having the integrity to post that last comment. Whatever the story that lies behind it (and most have at least two sides)it takes courage to publish the words of those that are critical of us.

April 21, 2009 1:26 PM

Ayesha Afzal said:

When i was much younger my brother once said to me, don't point your finger at anyone because when you do, the other three are pointing back at you.

Indeed, every story has more than one side.
And every human being has a past.

However, this is not a platform to voice personal grievances or express judgements.

It is a place where we should come to connect with the other on a human level, to try to understand them through their heart and their soul.

Well done Zainab, insha'Allah God will give you the courage to continue to gather the strength to do what is truly important and meaningful, ameen.

April 24, 2009 1:20 AM

John B said:

Well said, Ayesha.

April 30, 2009 5:41 PM

Zainab Radhi

said:

The comment made on April 18 is deleted, after much deliberation. Mainly for me to fight the urge to reply in a way that might have upset me more than its writer.
Thanks

May 7, 2009 5:38 PM

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