Is this chemo - or a hangover?

4th August
Out with the girls and introduce them all to the wig! We all have a really good laugh about it and I end up having a cider which goes straight to my head.

5th August
Ashamed to admit but have a headache this morning - is this a hangover? Eat two packets of ready salted crisps as I am worried I will start feeling sick like after my chemo.

10th August
Feeling apprehensive as it is my first Taxotere this week.

11th August
I have my complimentary therapy but it does not seem to have worked as well today, I don't feel as relaxed. I then realise it is the steroids I took this morning, I have to take three days of steroids to avoid any allergic reaction to the Taxotere and was warned they would make me feel a little hyper.

I think I am really worrying about my treatment tomorrow as my consultant said it will 'knock me for 6' and I wont be able to get up out of bed I will be so tired. I am trying to stay positive and as long as I am not sick or feel sick then am sure I will cope with the tiredness.

12th August
I had no sleep last night thanks to the worry of the chemo but also the steroids, my brain was switched on all night and I could not rest!

Barry and Thomas come with me for my chemo today. It takes two painful attempts to get the needle in my hand and I think this is a little too much for Thomas to see.

My chemo is late so have to sit around for an hour and wait. It is a bag infusion this time so will just take one hour to go into my arm. I have had no sleep for a couple of nights and once I am hooked up I instantly fall asleep. I wake up in a bad mood and am freezing cold, just want to go home.

Thomas says he is not coming again as it is not nice watching them sticking needles in me.

13th August
I feel great, not tired, not sickly, no aches and pains - I think they gave me saline instead of chemo! I decide to go and get my breast prosthesis which I should have done weeks ago but was worried about how they were going to size me up for it!!!

The lady who was fitting me for my prosthesis was very sympathetic and helpful but I suddenly felt like a victim again! I am just getting used to the wig and now have a huge prosthesis to contend with.

Sponge bob was much smaller and easier to wear, the prosthesis is huge and has to be washed every night and put away in its little bag and box - it takes me an hour to get sorted at bed time with the rituals of cleaning the boob, the wig, mouth washes and medication I feel like an old woman! Not in a very good mood now.

13th August
I feel great again today but am worrying it won't last. I go to the metro centre to buy some new bras for my prosthesis and discover that you need to buy very large bras which I am not used to wearing. I am very angry now as I have v neck blouses for work and you can see the bras underneath so not only am I struggling to find clothes to fit with the weight gain I now am limited due to the size of bras!!!!!!!!!p'd of!

14th August
My legs were aching last night a little in bed but I can't get up this morning! The pain is horrific and I can hardly walk. There is pain swirling around my ankles and knees and it feels like I have blisters underneath the soles of my feet, not to mention the swelling in my hands.

I decide to spend the day in bed and sleep for much of it in between hits of pain pills. I have a disgusting taste in my mouth and lots of secretions which are making any food tasteless.