Sweet Little Lies
They say couples should start out on the path to married life with no secrets.
My sentiments exactly. My husband however, has other ideas.
By no means am I talking secrets of gargantuan proportion. Nothing as shocking as Katie Price (aka Jordan) discovering her now husband has a penchant for silk stockings (on him, not her!) Yes, thankfully nothing like that, but a secret no less.
Like I said last time, I'm all for a touch of mystery in a relationship. And surprises are nice too. Secrets however, are a step too far.
The one aspect of marriage that we've both found a little strange is the concept of "what's mine is yours". In the past it's been more of a case of "what's mine is mine, and what's his is mine". Now we're married, it's a free-for-all.
Being a wife gives you certain rights, one of which is to have a damn good snoop at your husband's bank account. "Frivolous" would be a good way of describing my husband's spending habits, so breaking into his bank would be no mean feat.
"Can I have the login details to your online bank account?" I asked during one of our many trans-North Sea phone calls.
Big pause. "Why?"
"Now we're married, I'm just trying to get our accounts in order."
Another big pause.
"Oh we'll just sort it when I get home," he said casually.
"I want to sort it now. Give me the login details," I demanded.
"When I get home!" he barked.
He was definitely hiding something. After much to-ing and fro-ing he finally succumbed and fed me the login with an air of resentment in his voice.
"Oh and by the way," he piped. "If you see a payment to PayPal for around £200, it's your Christmas present."
He must think I was born yesterday. He'd never be that organised.
Full of intrigue and brimming with anger, I bashed in his password, and found the £200 "Christmas present" transaction.
I was back on the phone in a flash. He eventually admitted that he'd used the cash earmarked to pay off our wedding-fuelled credit card, to buy three almost identical watches. To go with the two he already has.
"They could be future collector's items," he implored.
Time for a new dress methinks...
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So that`s five watches altogether.
So that`s one on each wrist and one on each ankle.
So where`s he gonna wear the fifth one?
One`s mind is boggling!