The Yale law academic forces her children to play violin and the piano, won't allow them to take part in any drama groups or suchlike and makes them practise their instruments to the extent she won't allow them to use the loo unless they get a piece right. It makes my own liberal upbringing look like a complete washout.

But then perhaps she has a point? The "child choice" mentality has, I think, gone too far. I was astounded recently when Otis's nursery told us they were going to let the children in his room decide if they want a sleep or not. Otis is two. He never willingly goes to bed unless really, really tired but he often sighs gratefully at going to sleep when told to.

He doesn't know what's best for him because he is two. I often don't know what's best for me and I'm 33, why on earth would a two-year-old?

Brought up in a culture of choice my husband and I find ourselves asking Otis far too many questions - do you want to brush your teeth first or have the story? Juice or water? Play outside or stay in playing with the bricks?

The fact is he doesn't know and we're trying to stop ourselves giving him the option until he's more understanding.

My mother, Oxbridge-educated from a working class family in Sunderland, said she was positive her "child choice" parenting style was the best as a young mum but now she's not so sure.

She's not one to over-sing our praises my mum, which keeps us in check, but she said: "My parents [who were strict] had no education beyond 14 and had five children, four of whom became teachers and one a doctor. I look back now and know she knew what she was doing."

My parents decided on a liberal child-led upbringing. Until of course the state of my room became just too much to bear and she cracked leading to hefty three-hour clear-ups.

Perhaps because of this I find tidying up very difficult and it is something my mother bemoans not teaching me every time she visits.

Maybe a strict "Chinese mom" style would've been better? Instead of a journalist, an office manager and a computer consultant, my mum would've had a virtuoso pianist, brain surgeon and brilliant mathematician as children instead.

Maybe, but I think I would've cracked. I was never that good with authority which is more to do with my inherent personality than conditioning.

And I remember plenty of day-dreamy days where I was left to read, paint and just stare into space in my bedroom which all helped form me as the person I am now.

Fundamentally, I believe children need some freedom but they also need restrictions. My child shall not be brow-beaten into endless hours of homework and music practice. But he shall have rules, and penalties for breaking those rules. I already struggle with applying rules but I know it is something I need to get used to for his sake.

How on earth is he going to break rules if I haven't enforced any?

And he needs to learn to study, one thing I do believe in is a solid education (I just hope I can pay for it), and the ability to manage his time effectively.

That's one thing it took me until the age of 23 to be able to do properly and I want Otis to learn it fast.

Bringing up a child is hard, equipping them for the world is hard, too many children and young people believe they deserve a fabulous job and life without working for it which is an unrealistic expectation.

The value of hard work is one of the best lessons to teach our children and a little bit of "Chinese" parenting may not be so much of a bad thing after all.

If you'd like to comment on Family Matters, email hannah.davies@ncjmedia.co.uk

Read More http://www.journallive.co.uk/lifestyle-news/family/2011/01/26/chinese-parenting-methods-explored-61634-28053572/#ixzz1DdYdsDpQ