Celebrity Big Brother, part one

Behr is still picking witchety grubs out of her under arm hair.

And as for Hatton... it couldn't be, could it? Maybe he's got his middleweight heart set on becoming the father of Ulrika's fifth offspring (I read the rumours too)

After a quick tour of the house - B-O-R-I-N-G, we got to celebrity bhousemate number one...

Crazy Alert, crazy alert... one of the crazy Jacksons is in. Jermaine's done it.. and now it's the turn of LaToya, who I believe takes the silver medal in the mystical world of the Jackson crazy Olympics. She looks like someone has got hold of Michael and Janet's head and banged them together as if they were inside of the Large Hadron Collider.

(I must point out here that rumours concerning LaToya and Michael being the same person must surely be put to bed... unless Michael has been in for some whopping augmentation in the chest area).

Mun... I mean Mutya formerly of the Sugababes is up next. She feels naked without her false nails and has eight dogs. She sounds really interesting... bet she's got some really interesting things to say.
(She also collects sunglasses and is afraid of spiders)
I must concede that Mutya has smartened up considerably since her days as a 'babe.

Praise be! The rumours were true! Mini-Me (Austin Powers actor, Verne Troyer) is housemate number three. He's looking for a summer-camp-style experience and camaraderie... but is planning to fool them all with his nice guy routine and really be evil... ha ha ha.
He's one of the smallest men in the world... therefore a special ramp has been laid on.

He just told the assistant (who was hiding) that he wouldn't be able to manage his suitcase... so she brought it in about two feet and then left the room! He had to drag the suitcase... he had to DRAG the suitcase. I'd sue.